I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
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Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
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No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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