She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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