I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
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