No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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