Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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