The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Randomize
