nutella sex= disaster
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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