i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Terrible idea I love it
Randomize