Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
