My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
