i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
My balls are so social today.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Randomize
