her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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