sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
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I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
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