I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Randomize
