As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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