i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
