NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Randomize