Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
