Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
