so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
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