The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
