Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
