I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
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