Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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