I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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