I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
