that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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