Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
