That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
