Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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