Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
