You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
