Kiss
Puke
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
