Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
