the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Of course I have a pirate flag
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
