What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
