Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
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