Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
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