Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
