where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
