god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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