I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
