i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
