using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
