My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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