I'm going to jail i love you
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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