It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
