there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I want her autograph on my taint
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
so much tequila, so little girl.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
