Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I CAN MOONWALK!
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
