i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
