Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I see more hoeing in ur future
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