Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
