2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
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