I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
