Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
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