i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Randomize
