So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
