You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
