So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
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