Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I want to have your abortion
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Randomize
