Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Randomize
