i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
where are you?
Hypothermia
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
