His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
