using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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