Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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