I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
This baby is an asshole
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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