He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
