i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
