Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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